England Spring Trip'24 : Oxford & London (day 1-2) - a rambling

Right now, I am sitting on a bench just by the University of Oxford. Thankfully, Alhamdulilllah, I am back in Oxford for the second time. Hopefully the third time I will be back here with purpose.

Starting this England trip, I was anxious and half-regretting. I thought once classes end, I will have more free time. My schedule will be more flexible. But, no. I still have a lot on my plates, a lot of responsibility that is prying for my energy and attention that I don’t get to enjoy myself. Lethargic? Overwhelmed? Kinda.

I thought this trip is going to be a getaway for me. To shut off from everything and recharge myself. But, works keep trailing me even in my ‘rare-holiday’. But this is actually partly because I wasted the previous week prior to starting my England trip. When I was supposed to be ‘cleaning’ all the work and responsabilities. I am to be blamed, honesty.

But, these kind of thoughts are kind of useless. Why? Because I need them in order to better myself. However, sometimes I feel my expectations vs my capabilities are not up to par. That’s why I feel it this way now. 

But, I guess, I just need to go with it. There is no use of lamenting and complaining. You need to work yourself, you need to keep yourself sane and healthy. There is no one to blame and put the burden on, except from your own self.

Also, actually I shouldn’t regret going on a trip when my mind says no.

Yesterday (1st of April), I arrived in London after an overnight bus ride, explored some places, and came back to a mosque nearby to pray and rest a bit. Obviously, I wasn’t expecting anything. But once I entered the mosque, I was surprised when a sweet girl in front of me asked ‘how can I convert?’ To the receptionist. Masya Allah, I get the goosebump! I ended up accompanying and witnessing her taking syahadah. Masya Allah.

My conversation with her was very enlightening. I feel the need to do more retrospection and self-reflection on my faith and things I actually want (and need) to achieve in this world. We spent the Iftar and Maghreb, and isya’ together. It was really heartwarming masya Allah.

And tonight, right after I am back in London, Insya Allah we will be going to London Central Mosque together! I can’t wait, honestly. 
May Allah bless and ease her path in His way <3 

And may we keep our ukhuwah till Jannah insya Allah Amin <3

-

Oxford reflection:

Coming here again made me realised why I worked hard in the first place. Because I always aim to the sky. Because my parents never set a limit to myself. Because I believe I can go beyond it.

Șo here I am, with (hopefully) new aspirations. 

May Allah ease my journey in obtaining His knowledge.

And May Allah bless everyone who is reading this random writings in ramadan. 

Oxford, UK

- Tue, 2 April’24  (14:05)

The Shepherd King duology by Rachel Gill review

"The Shepherd King" duology  captivated me in a genre I never thought would held my interest—the Gothic. Rachel’s duuology with its familiar premise of forbidden magic and generational curse, transcends the ordinary by seamlessly weaving a uniquely magical tale. 

The narrative unfolds around a group of individuals, a maiden, a Destrier captain, a highwayman, a bethroed, and a prince. Each leading distinct lives yet intricately connected in their quest to break the chains of a curse plaguing their kingdom. An enchanted mist, driven by curse, engulfs the kingdom and induce a madness that stems from the lost of their talismen. The spellbinding storytelling, adorned with poetry and enigmatic riddles immersed me wholly in this fantastic realms. 

What sets Rachel’s work apart is her ability to infuse the characters with life, portraying them in a raw and unfiltered manner. The palpable pain and the yearning for liberation from their own traumas resonated through  the pages, allowing me to empathise with their struggles. The characters’ depth and complexity became a conduit for me to vicariously experience their journey, making the narrative all the more enthralling. 

I am grateful to have stumbled upon this literary jewel, and eagerly anticipate more from Rachel in the future!

• Heba, in the mist of Scotland 2024.

      

21.

 North-east of Scotland - St. Andrews & Dundee

It is 21st of January, and I will turn 22 in 9 days. 

22, what a lovely number. 2 is my lucky number. I just love how it looks like, and how ‘dua’, ‘doi’, and ‘two’ sounds in my ears. Right now, I am in the bus X24 from St. Andrews, patiently waiting till I got back home to Glasgow. It is going to be a tiring 3 hours journey, but my heart is delighted. 

22, I was sad because I will no longer be able to use my YoungScot card to travel freely around Scotland. Why 22? Why not 23? Such a terrible timing that my birthday happens to be earlier this year, ripping out the privilege I would have had if I am not 22 yet. That’s why I want to travel around Scotland as much as I can before the clock turns. However, I spent the most of my time in Scotland in 2023 physically-disabled. I couldn’t make use of my privilege to travel around. Then January came, but I only had 2 weeks left, 2 weekends. Though my heart screams to travel, and travel, but I have my responsibilities and commitments to settle. Study and work. Not that I am complaining of them, they keep me alive. But what a terrible timing. But I set out to travel anyway during my weekend, when I am used to be staying at the campus even on Saturday and Sunday. 

22, I was reluctant. People might thought I am a wanderlust traveller. It seems like I am always traveling and be out in the crowd. But no. I am actually a huge homebody. Staying at home is a joy for me. Solitary and silent is my delight. But, I am scared that I would run out of time if I don’t go out. I only have less than 1 year left in Romania. I only have 5 months more left in Scotland. I will not longer be 22, and have the energy and freedom away from adult responsibilities to travel out by my own. To pause what is left to me and seek the wonder. It’s the FOMO. How inelegant it may sounds. But I do have the FOMO of wasting my youth of not doing things freely. 2023, I travelled to Tubingen in Germany, Warsaw in Poland, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Coventry, Oxford, and London in the UK, and Sighisoara, Cluj-Napoca, Iasi, and Suceava in Romania. Majority are solo-travelling, which I prefer much. It was because I fear I would regret not visiting those cities. ‘If not now, when?’. Turns out, traveling is fun, especially if you are by your own. Hopping on the bus and train, with a cup of coffee and pre-made sandwiches tossed in the bag to save money, admiring the breath-taking views, striking architecture, random pleasantry exchanged between strangers, the feeling of independence. 

22, I feel like an adult for the first time. When I first moved to Romania in November 2021, I felt like the clock stopped ticking. I was still the 19-years old Heba who was super enthusiastic of living and studying abroad. I was still a petite 19-years old girl trying to find her place in this world. I was still the 19-years old girl who is willing to do anything to achieve her goals and dreams. I don’t consider myself as an adult. It scares me. The responsibilities and commitments that come with it. Being qn adult is not the most glorified thing, not a fact that one would like to boast of. 

22, just before I turn 22, I was still 21. NOW, I am still 21. I bought my first MacBook Air, with the hard-earned money I saved over the course of 2-3 years of living abroad. I also bought an Apple Pencil that I’ve been eyeing forever, though it is a second-hand. But I did it, big purchases in my early 20s. It does feel different when you bought something by your own money. It is not to be taken granted. I bought these to invest in my studies and future. For productivity purposes. And I am glad I did it. I guess I need to also thank Zahid for his priceless advice. It is never a waste to invest in something for your self. For the future you.

22, I got my first unofficial job! I am excited for my new role. But also, this means I need to manage my time wisely to juggle between my studies and work. I am also taking up more commitments this year, 6 different roles, 6 different responsabilities, 6 different commitments. I guess I feel ‘more adult’ now that I am not only preoccupied with studying. It is intimidating, and I don’t know how I am going to cope with everything. But it needs to be done, if I want to learn more, and improve myself. It is for the future me. 

22, I hope this year is going to be nicer to me. Not the external occurrences, by my attitude towards myself. Yes, I have a lot to do and to learn, yes, I will make silly mistakes, Yes, it is not going to be a smooth journey and you will get burnt-out by times. But it is okay . It is normal. It is not the end of the world if you don’t get to be on top of everything. Because after all, you are only a human. A human who strives to be better, not perfection. Because perfection is only for Allah S.W.T.

22, I am excited for you. 

21, till we meet again in memories. I would cherish you with my whole heart.

Love,

Heba

14:40, 

In the mist of Dundee, Scotland

@Edinburgh