Heart ripped open.

 The first semester of my degree was the hardest for me to cope with. I doubt myself, (almost) blaming the young girl who was too eager to reach the star when she can't even see the sky clearly. An immense stab in the heart for whose dreams and expectations are to be shattered. 

Why, is it this way?

For the longest time, I have always been burned by such immense passion that keeps constricting my heart that I feel burst out, it has been filled with bright hopes that are too bright that they can blind one's eyes. The apparent marks that I can't just feign ignorance. I know that I will need to go through thorny roads to satiate my desire. I was willing to do so, or so I thought-

I felt helpless and in despair towards the middle of the first semester of my degree. After 2.5 years since high school, finally I get to take my first step, the very precious first step in realising and building my meaningful life. The life that the little girl has been dreaming of and working on for the longest time. I thought that after running and crawling my way to get till this point, I will finally reach the surface of the ocean, to freedom and lightness. But I was wrong. Although I can see the water getting clearer, and more rays of light penetrating my surrounding in the dark ocean, I kept being pushed down by the furious waves, being pulled down by the strong gravity that impede my way up. Suffocating my heart that has been longing for lightness. 

I am one step closer, but am chained. 

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