UNI Semester I - Thoughts & Reflection

 

After 2.5 years of waiting, it is crazy to think how it's been years since I graduated high school. A lot of things happened in that period. After working through the foundation and learning the language, finally I am able to start learning the knowledge I've yearned to delve into. 

It was a moment of joy, and the moment that breaks me too.

Learning a language I have never even heard of in my entire life, I had (and is having) my fair share of difficulty. I spent 7 months of intensive language learning at ASE, but I still sucks haha. Learning a language is certainly not my forte, especially in the talking part. I tried to weave my way through it, but, it is a difficult thing to do. But despite that, I got to pass my language exam, and start my undergrad last fall. 

The first month, horrible.

Imagine going to a faculty, and learning in a foreign language that you only learnt in less than a year? A disaster.

It was a very bleak time for me, as I am unable to understand, nor communicate with people. Worst, in the class. As someone who is very enthusiastic of listening to lectures, not being able to understand a thing breaks me. How can I pass my exams and graduate safely at this point? I was very scared and anxious. 

Though thankfully my professors and friends are the kindest ever- that is a huge relief for me.

But still, the language barrier chained me. I feel like I am trapped in a glass wall, separated by the others. The outside world is muffled, and I felt silenced. 

I can't count how many heartbreaks I had during the entire semester. Barely living, I spent my whole time studying, to catch up with everything. I acknowledge that even though I am in a marathon, I am at a disadvantage as my legs are shackled by weights and burdens (a.k.a the language). I am tens and hundreds of steps behind others. So I need to put an extra effort. 

I studied day and night, during commuting in the metro, during lunch, during the weekend. OOfh it reminds me back to my SPM time, though this time, it is worse (:

But thankfully my professors are very kind and helpful, I tried to always ask them questions just to make sure (AT LEAST), I can understand 1 thing among all the things they taught in the class that day, though it is just a simple thing. I don't want to feel like a total idiot.

Though things seem to change for better as time goes, still, I felt like I am really slow. Things are just going downhill. I am swimming against the vast tide. I put much burden on myself. Until my parents remind me that I am just starting university. Yes, you've learnt the language for 7 months, but you just started the uni now. 

Exactly.

I felt like I didn't learn anything during the 7 months. I failed to realize that those 7 months, are just brief compared to university. The language level in university is (obviously) a much much higher level. I tend to count that I've learnt the language for xx times, but why am I still bad at it? I shifted my starting point to October, where I started my uni. And it makes me feel better, honestly. 

The exam period was dreadful. I feel stressed out knowing that even though I study hard to understand everything, I will still be unable to answer them if I do not know the language. Not to mention how daunting and overwhelming are the subjects I am taking, especially anatomy. YES, anatomy. Imagine learning anatomy in french (since ppl are more familiar with french, they are sister language w/ romanian). I thought I almost lost my mind learning it. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I had 13 papers for the final (all written test), yups, crazy.

So what did I do to overcome it? I studied like crazy. I woke up in the morning and studied till midnight every day. On average I studied 14 hours per day. Well, every student does the same thing. But it was a harsh time for me because of the pressure of the language. I kept thinking, why do I make this crazy decision to do my degree in another language? Why do I take such a harsher path when there was an easier option? Why, and why? It was the moment when studying with tears falling is a daily routine for me. At this point, I just want to pass my exams. I had a few subjects that the passing percentage is not even half of the batch. This freaks me out. Yup, biology is HARD. Forget the A, I am glad with any marks as long as I pass! Nu vreau restanță te rog :'

But even so, I am glad to have great company; my family and friend. They helped me to hold things together. Reassuring me that everything will be alright. That whatever I do, it is enough.

me studying anatomy in Romanian, a nightmare. 

Thankfully, I managed to finish the exams despite breaking down here and there. I am still alive. I survived. Not long after, I got the results of my exams, and they are really shocking. Alhamdulillah, I managed to score a lot higher than I expected (I told you at this point I only hope to pass the exams, to get at least 6.0 (the passing mark is 5.0)).

This is the moment I realised, hard work never betrays you. I am really really thankful for them; my parents, family, zu, and my past self who never gives up ((:

So this, is for everyone who believes in me (:

Things I learnt this semester:

- Hard work will never betray you

- Do your best, and Allah S.W.T will take care of the rest

- There is no limit in life, apart from yourself

- It is OKAY, to have ups and downs

- Gratitudeness, always.

And thus, I would like to end this entry with my favourite verse;

God does not force anyone to do beyond what is within his capacity. Everyone will get the reward he earns and will be responsible for the evil he does

- Al-Baqarah 2:286

Love,

Heba

5:30 a.m., Bucharest, Romania