On planning and regrets

Again, I am on my flight back to Manchester, UK from Marrakesh, Morocco. 

To my left, I can see the beautiful blend of reddish and bluish hues of the sky. Masya Allah.

When we (me and my friend) booked our ticket during Ramadan. I wasn’t thinking a lot about it. It was just that Ryanair happened to offer an affordable price for the flight, so we just grabbed it spontaneously. But weeks after, the regrets came. My trip to Morocco (happened) to be one week I was supposedly to leave the UK. I totally want to maximise my time in Glasgow, Scotland. But then I booked myself a week trip just when I had little time left, how stupid it is? 

So a week before leaving for Morocco. I was blaming myself for not thinking through. Instead of being excited, I was ruminating to the fact that I am ‘wasting’ a week of my counted days left in Glasgow.

But then again, now that I have spent my days here in Morocco, I am glad I made the trip.

I managed to experience a lot of new things, out of my comfort zone. And moreover, I came here with my 4 other friends. I don’t think so I will manage to come here by my own. 

Though some things happen and it was not all smooth, I cherish the experience and memories I created here. We spent 3 nights in Marrakesh, and 2 nights in a tour to the desert.

At first, I was reluctant to go to the desert, because of its inconvenient. Seems cool but nahhh, that’s what I thought. 

But my friend convinced me, thankfully.

It turns out to be one of the most beautiful memories I’ve been blessed with. Alhamdulillah.

Though I need to endure an 8-10 hours of car journey to reach Merzouga dunes (with a lot of motion sickness, almost vomitting, and melting from the scorching sun), I created core memories of riding the camel (argghhHH!!!) and sleeping in the middle of the desert!!! If not now, I don’t think so I will be able to experience this again. 

It was truly a surreal experience.

Alhamdulillah.

Though Morocco was never in my to-go-to list, and enduring the scorching sun is never my thing, Allah blessed me with this journey to make me appreciate things more. 

Though it was never in my plan to go for a week trip away from Glasgow, Allah knows that I might need it. 

An escape from my lament (contemplative, melancholic) heart in Scotland.

Alhamdulillah.

Now, I am ready to come back to my lovely land of Scotland, to the ‘home of my heart’. With a slightly lighter heart and bittersweet feelings.

I am ready to spend my remaining days in Scotland, to cherish and enjoy it to the fullest. Insya Allah.

Love,

Heba 

25th of May,

(22:04 in the plane from Marrakesh, Morocco to Manchester, UK)

All good things need to come to an end.

Right now, I am in the air, having my flight back to the UK from Marrakesh, Morocco.

It is the 25th of May, it’s been about 2 weeks since I finished my final paper as a 2nd year biochemistry student. To be truth, I am not satisfied and proud of my academic this semester. It feels like I didn’t harness my outmost effort into it. I am worried about my grades dropping down. Though everything was fine, the sad thoughts just find its way into my mind and emotions, skewing the effort I have made to make everything correct. 

However, I must remember, I am only human. Though I tried my very best in planning and executing  everything in an orderly manner. Things are bound to happen.

I told my dear friend about it. About my feelings, how I feel like I am just floating in the sky without the grip to the Earth. How no matter hard I tried to pull myself back to the Earth, I kept getting drowned in the sky of thunder and heavy rain. My heart felt so heavy. 

She told me, maybe it is because you are leaving.

Though alhamdulillah, everything went well, I feel the lump in my heart and throat. The feeling that it will all end soon. 

It is hard to cope with the impending reality.

After living on edges for 2 years while I am in Romania, trying my best to be on top of everything, working tremendously hard all days long to get the best mark, to get the scholarship for the exchange, I was always constantly on the survival mode. 

Thus, the almost-1-year of living in Glasgow felt like a dream. A dream too good to be true. 

That’s why it is hitting me hard. Now that it is ending. Now that I am leaving. This beautiful chapter of my life. 

Now that my friends are leaving one by one, my heart is saddened. But it also made me realise that, after all, everyone has their own life, their own ‘nest’ where they return. And that I shall return too.

It is a bittersweet feeling. Rather than the straight despair I felt in the past 2 months, I feel rather more in peace. In peace of accepting the reality.

Though I was not on the top of my studies, I did my best in everything else. I went out of my comfort zone and joined various of societies. I took a leap of faith and secured my first part-time job in digital creative industries, I let myself to enjoy the company of friends. Back then, I always ferociously say no to doing something that is not academic or professional related. ‘It is a waste of time. And I can’t afford to gamble my future for these idleness’. 

However, since academic structure here in the UK allows me to be more flexible with time and be more independent, as compared to my student life in Romania where I have full classes and labs from the morning till night, I get to allow myself to explore more things. 

And I am proud of all the things I managed to do in the short span of these 2 semesters. 

Alhamdullillah.

I think Allah is rewarding me with a chance to study in the UK for a year after my effort all these years. My life in Scotland filled in the void of the nontraditional pathway of my university life that I could not accomplish in Romania, due to the language-barrier and all the difficulties that came with it.  Though I didn’t spend all days just studying, like I always do, I did so much more and explore more sides of me. To gain something, you need to sacrifice something. 

I also get to travel more, exploring England, the North Africa, and the beautiful land of Scotland!

Oh how I love Scotland with all my heart.

If love is a place, I would say it is Scotland.

Apart from its university and its people, there is just something else about Scotland that made me fall in love.   

My days at the university, my trips to the north of Scotland,  my solo trips to Dundee and St. Andrews. Oh gosh, how they healed my inner self. That’s why I am not ready to be apart from Scotland, not yet. But every good things need to end. 

Every good things need to end,

For a better thing to come.

That’s what I kept chanting to myself over this month, so I can amicably say my farewell to my life in Scotland. 

Though it is saddening, I do wish and pray that I will be back in Scotland. No matter what’s the reason is for. I just want to reminisce my wee cozy life at this beautiful land of Scotland. 

Insya Allah. 

Love,

Heba

(21:48 Morocco)