Assalamualaikum and hello folks!
It's been realllllllllly a while since i last posted here. Things has been hectic, as usual. I saved a lot of draft to post but too lazy to upload it here *facepalm
So..... it's kind of funny. How time flew so fast, it's just, i have just like less than 3 months of school left. I just feel like i'm still a freshman, was about to explore this high school life. High school life turned out to be not as amazing as i expected before (let's blame High School Musical and Camp Rock). But still, i have a lot of memories, both bitter and sweet throughout the years of becoming a high school student.
No doubt that this year is the hardest of all, where reality snaps me, where i finally coping with loneliness, to be matured. Sometimes, i thought i already matured but seems like i'm still childish in handling my life. But still though, would there be any age where someone is totally matured? I mean, look how bad society, politics are, filled with selfish greedy adults where children becomes the victim.
Anyway, SPM trial just ended a few days ago, it was really bad. I mean, with all pressure and anxiety and 'worriness' curling in every form 5 students' thoughts, it was a bumpy road for all of us.
And here's a thought, i don't know how but, it seems like getting a straight As is the only goal and 'evidence' that you are a good student, that you accomplish the sole mission of a high school student. Studying for the trial makes me wonder HOW IN THE WORLD did someone get a straight As lol. I mean, for example, even i revised Biology completly early a few weeks before the examination, i suddenly forget all of the contents i revised a day before the examination. Ofc, to retain your memory you gotta do lotta practices, but just, with all subjects demanding spaced in your mind, how it's possible to fit all in your mind at the same time?
And, if i am to be honest, like every single students, I DO want to get straight As in SPM, it's been my dream since i was in primary school. I mean, that's the only thing matter for every students right?
Analysing how one's got straight As, they did TONS of practices every single day, waking up early in the morning to study, put away any devices and distractions. I thought that was the only way, and that's what i need to do. Without myself realizing how i can't do that. I can't forced myself to wake up on 4 a/m and revise, i cant forced myself to study one materials to another for hours. I can't dedicate all my free times to study. I just can't. It's killing me inside out.
But the norm here, it seems like that's TOTALLY normal, spending school nights and weekends to go to tuition and extra-classes, getting barely any sleep, doing crazy lots of practices. And teachers are frustrated and more anxious than the students, forcing and pushing students off limits as they magic words, ' hard work + longer time of studying = success '. and that everyone could get that shimmering A grade if only they WORK WORK WORK. When the reality is everyone has their own ability and limits. Doesn't mean that everyone would get it if they all are being pushed over the limits, everyone has their own place and speciality in certain pursuits.
There's a pattern i see from cemerlang class for certain subjects, the class would usually get A LOT OF practices and homeworks for that one subject, pushed and pushed and thats how almost all students in the class got an A+ for that single subject, surely that looks awesome and woah and all, but the huge price they had to pay for it. Also, this cost 'other subjects' too because they don't have time to study more on subject they actually weak at.
I still can't brain how making classes at night of school is going to help the students, like my PDP classes ended approximately 5pm almost everyday, reached home at 6pm, and got more classes from ~ 8 - 10 pm. With myriad of homeworks assigned + extra class, i don't even know how i managed to find some time to finish my works. Our brain has been working digesting all the informations since the sunrise until midnight.
Surely, people say ' you must work hard, sacrifice your time energy money happiness for straight As'. I could just brush this tiredness off by thinking this is the sake for the future me. But what about the present me? The me now? Who's affected mentally and physically. My health also deteriorate because of this, my mind is jammed and i feel so weak for anything, i could not focus at all at school and always sleepy.
I really hope we would AT LEAST get our own free time from homeworks and classes to study ON OUR OWN. I appreciate how teachers are willing to sacrifice their time with family just to give us more knowledge, but, we are suffocating here. We also need our private time to help ourself. To teach our own self how to 'study by our own'. Making extra classes are surely helpful but not everyone has the same pace of studying. Some might need teacher's guide, some might need to do their own practices, some might need to just read the materials back. So having classses hinders some to study in their own paces.
I wonder if the whole time i've been living on this 'toxic high school life', targeting merely on good grades, good results, without learning the true value of youth. No clue how the outside world works, and what's befalling us soon after graduating. I'm and advocate of studying, i love obtaining knowledge and all but this toxic environment has been ripping the excitement off from me. I'm someone who don't really take grades such a big deal or feeling anxious about result, but the pressure from people makes me feel like i need to study and study and study for the sake of those As grades on that piece of paper.
Maybe it's just me who can't keep up with this all even when people say ' just endure for a few months, this is the only time you need to give yourself out'. I don't know if it is right to justify my present self happiness and comfort. This doesn't means i don't want to work hard and just relax not doing anything when SPM is approaching. But i would really prefer it if i could study for the sake of myself and in my own way, not for the sake of grades and other people and following the studying habit norm of other people, because i believe in myself, and know what i need to do to achieve my own triumph.
Love,
Heba
31/08/19 (Happy Independence Day, Malaysia!)
1542
It's been realllllllllly a while since i last posted here. Things has been hectic, as usual. I saved a lot of draft to post but too lazy to upload it here *facepalm
So..... it's kind of funny. How time flew so fast, it's just, i have just like less than 3 months of school left. I just feel like i'm still a freshman, was about to explore this high school life. High school life turned out to be not as amazing as i expected before (let's blame High School Musical and Camp Rock). But still, i have a lot of memories, both bitter and sweet throughout the years of becoming a high school student.
No doubt that this year is the hardest of all, where reality snaps me, where i finally coping with loneliness, to be matured. Sometimes, i thought i already matured but seems like i'm still childish in handling my life. But still though, would there be any age where someone is totally matured? I mean, look how bad society, politics are, filled with selfish greedy adults where children becomes the victim.
Anyway, SPM trial just ended a few days ago, it was really bad. I mean, with all pressure and anxiety and 'worriness' curling in every form 5 students' thoughts, it was a bumpy road for all of us.
And here's a thought, i don't know how but, it seems like getting a straight As is the only goal and 'evidence' that you are a good student, that you accomplish the sole mission of a high school student. Studying for the trial makes me wonder HOW IN THE WORLD did someone get a straight As lol. I mean, for example, even i revised Biology completly early a few weeks before the examination, i suddenly forget all of the contents i revised a day before the examination. Ofc, to retain your memory you gotta do lotta practices, but just, with all subjects demanding spaced in your mind, how it's possible to fit all in your mind at the same time?
And, if i am to be honest, like every single students, I DO want to get straight As in SPM, it's been my dream since i was in primary school. I mean, that's the only thing matter for every students right?
Analysing how one's got straight As, they did TONS of practices every single day, waking up early in the morning to study, put away any devices and distractions. I thought that was the only way, and that's what i need to do. Without myself realizing how i can't do that. I can't forced myself to wake up on 4 a/m and revise, i cant forced myself to study one materials to another for hours. I can't dedicate all my free times to study. I just can't. It's killing me inside out.
But the norm here, it seems like that's TOTALLY normal, spending school nights and weekends to go to tuition and extra-classes, getting barely any sleep, doing crazy lots of practices. And teachers are frustrated and more anxious than the students, forcing and pushing students off limits as they magic words, ' hard work + longer time of studying = success '. and that everyone could get that shimmering A grade if only they WORK WORK WORK. When the reality is everyone has their own ability and limits. Doesn't mean that everyone would get it if they all are being pushed over the limits, everyone has their own place and speciality in certain pursuits.
There's a pattern i see from cemerlang class for certain subjects, the class would usually get A LOT OF practices and homeworks for that one subject, pushed and pushed and thats how almost all students in the class got an A+ for that single subject, surely that looks awesome and woah and all, but the huge price they had to pay for it. Also, this cost 'other subjects' too because they don't have time to study more on subject they actually weak at.
I still can't brain how making classes at night of school is going to help the students, like my PDP classes ended approximately 5pm almost everyday, reached home at 6pm, and got more classes from ~ 8 - 10 pm. With myriad of homeworks assigned + extra class, i don't even know how i managed to find some time to finish my works. Our brain has been working digesting all the informations since the sunrise until midnight.
Surely, people say ' you must work hard, sacrifice your time energy money happiness for straight As'. I could just brush this tiredness off by thinking this is the sake for the future me. But what about the present me? The me now? Who's affected mentally and physically. My health also deteriorate because of this, my mind is jammed and i feel so weak for anything, i could not focus at all at school and always sleepy.
I really hope we would AT LEAST get our own free time from homeworks and classes to study ON OUR OWN. I appreciate how teachers are willing to sacrifice their time with family just to give us more knowledge, but, we are suffocating here. We also need our private time to help ourself. To teach our own self how to 'study by our own'. Making extra classes are surely helpful but not everyone has the same pace of studying. Some might need teacher's guide, some might need to do their own practices, some might need to just read the materials back. So having classses hinders some to study in their own paces.
I wonder if the whole time i've been living on this 'toxic high school life', targeting merely on good grades, good results, without learning the true value of youth. No clue how the outside world works, and what's befalling us soon after graduating. I'm and advocate of studying, i love obtaining knowledge and all but this toxic environment has been ripping the excitement off from me. I'm someone who don't really take grades such a big deal or feeling anxious about result, but the pressure from people makes me feel like i need to study and study and study for the sake of those As grades on that piece of paper.
Maybe it's just me who can't keep up with this all even when people say ' just endure for a few months, this is the only time you need to give yourself out'. I don't know if it is right to justify my present self happiness and comfort. This doesn't means i don't want to work hard and just relax not doing anything when SPM is approaching. But i would really prefer it if i could study for the sake of myself and in my own way, not for the sake of grades and other people and following the studying habit norm of other people, because i believe in myself, and know what i need to do to achieve my own triumph.
Pss; i hope you would get the messages i'm trying to send here, i've been under huge pressure these days but thankfully the people i love are supporting me, telling me not to push myself off limits. I know, getting straight As seems to be the only goal for us students and we want to to make our parents and teachers proud of us, but think of yourself first. Find the way of studying you comfortable with. Try your best, in a smart way. Prioritize yourself, and don't lose hope in Allah S.W.T for the outcoming, because He knows the best for us :)
Love,
Heba
31/08/19 (Happy Independence Day, Malaysia!)
1542
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