faith and courage- a heartfelt conversation with her (:

It is 15:13 now, and I am sitting on the bench in front of my faculty in gradina botanica.

I finished a lecture of a subject that I really like for this semester - Genetică Moleculară, the last second semester before I graduated. I went to my professor afterwards for some follow-up questions… something on transposons and such (fun fact: from biology pov- we are actually almost 50% virus? almost half of our genes are actually similar to that of virus!!). 

"You know what, the more I look at you... the more you look like a virus...."

- my genetic professor :D 

that's a good nerdy pickup line I'll save in my dictionary for fun haha

… and... we ended up talking more about different things, on growth, solitude, faiths, and more.

There were a LOT to unfold, but, in essential, she reminded me to be truthful of myself, and that Allah knows everything in my heart- yes, she said that, despite being an Orthodox herself. 

Being a visibly woman of faith as a hijabi, it is not easy, especially as a minority in the Western world. She told me that, although she wishes for my wellness for the next steps I am taking in research and academia, she reminded me to expect rejections, due to my identity as a muslim. And to always remember to open up to others- to seek help, especially from those around me. I may seem strong and all for surviving being alone in the past few years, studying far away from my home and comfort zone, but she knew it was not easy at all. She reminded me whenever I go, it is important to always make a comfort space for myself (:

‘No matter what you do, Allah knows the best in your heart.’ - that was the second time she mentioned this in our (long) conversation.

‘That’s the advice from an old lady like me.’


Although she’s not a muslim (more of non-practicing orthodox), I believe she understands the true essence of faith, more than the others who self-claimed to be 'more religious' themselves. She spent the her whole life searching for the truth, she questioned everything, and she refused to be self-tied to what society imposes, especially regarding one's faiths. And being a genetic professor, I think that really contributes much to influencing her thinking process.

In these complex cascades of how life itself began, how living organisms are being encoded in mere sequences of nucleotides denoted by 4 letters 'A,T,G,C', it is impossible to say that it all are coincidences.' - my thoughts 

Talking with her made me realised how privileged I am to be walking in this path of life I chose- though sometimes I am blinded with my own anxiety to notice that- typical ungrateful servant.

I can't imagine being a woman of the past- trying to pave her own path at the time when society are clipping down our wings- when women are being deprived and condemned for choosing her own path- saying they're selfish to do that and should settle for just serving their family as a wife and mother. I am glad that my parents are very supportive to whatever I am doing, never setting a 'deadline' or ushing me to settle down and build a family before my 'youth is gone'. They believe that I can take care of myself and will stick to my principles despite being put everywhere, and most importantly, they trust that Allah will take care of me wherever I go. Having such a strong support system, that believe in you fully, is really the biggest privilege one can have (': 

And being able to visibly show my faith is another huge privilege I have. Though sometimes I fear for rejections, and I'm afraid of not demonstrating the right way of how a muslimah should be- giving false impression to my Romanian friends and unintentionally tainting the religion perceptions due to my foolish mistakes and ignorances, I hope the 3 years of me being in the faculty has at least made them think a bit more kindly of our religion- a religion that brings peace and kindness. I believe that action speaks louder than mere preaches and words :'

When my professor told me to beware of the difficulties I may receive in the future, it did scare me a bit. But also, ignited a desire to prove that I can still accomplish things despite my identity (: And with that, I thank her for her genuine concern, and for reminding me of Allah's abundant mercy- "Allah knows the best in your heart".

I can only pray for goodness for her, and may Allah give her hidayah and rahmah. May Allah bestow His insurmountable mercy to her and to other wandering souls looking for the truth, amin ya rabbal alamin. 

May I get to use the bounty and privileges Allah rewarded me in this dunya, to make me persevere in His path, to lift our ummah in my capability, and to always be truthful and humble in heart, amin,

And may you, who are reading this, no matter what battle you are fighting alone in silence, I pray that Allah will ease everything and give you a heart full of gratitude and faith, amin ya rabbal alamin. We all are in this together (:

playing song: 무음 by sunwoojunga 

15:25,

Bucuresti,

13.01.2025