Another day in Edinburgh - 3 days before leaving

It is D-3 before I leave Scotland.

It is such a strange feeling. Today it is Friday. And I took a train to Edinburgh right after I finished a meeting at Boyd’s Orr building on my campus. Since I accomplished the Undergraduate Skills Award by my college (Medical, Veterinary, and Life Sciences - MVLS), I was invited to a focus group to have a conversation on it. I met other students; a medical, and a psychology student who are graduating soon (the very next week!!!). It was exciting meet other students who has similar motivations and inspiration. I truly enjoyed every second of it, and listening to each person’s thoughts and train of thinking attentively made me subconsciously reflect upon myself as well.

It was such a good way of starting my final Friday in Glasgow (:

Though I’ve been to Edinburgh a few times over the course of my exchange year (prolly 3-4 times?), I never get tired of visiting it. This city truly has its charms (that obviously everyone knows). I used to romanticise the city, and it totally lives up to my expectations. But more importantly, it is the fact that this city is a safe haven for bibliophiles.  Since my previous visits have been consisting of exploring the city- most memorable ones were admiring the romantic Carlton Hill and going to the wondrous Dean’s Village, now I am dedicating this half-day visit to exploring independent bookstores in a hunt for collection-able second-hand books. Walking through the bustling Victoria Street, reminiscing the tale behind the ‘last drop restaurant’ that my friend told me during my first visit here, it feels a bit of bittersweet. 

I went to several independent bookstores. But to my disappointment (rephrase), I only bought one, despite my ambitious goal of buying 3 books at least. One of the reason is because I couldn’t find those classics that I’m familiar with the hardcover/leather-binded cover. The second reason is, to my surprise, they’re pretty expensive…

Well it makes sense. Those are the limited editions that has been preserved through decades, a remnants of the past. But, when I bought some in Glasgow they were being sold in a pretty reasonable price. The conclusion that I came to is that prolly due to them being sold in Edinburgh- thus more expensive.

So, I am pretty satisfied with only bringing home 1 copy of a classic. The famously heart-wrenching „Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte. Actually when I want to pick up classics, I was a bit unsure. I’ve only read very very few classics, due to its lengthy and very deliberative sentences. It requires more effort and attention, and time, to complete a story. Thus why, I want to start off with stories that I’m familiar with. One of it is this book by Emily Bronte, as it is my mom’s favourite! Though she read it in Arabic (I tried but couldn’t get pass the first sentence…)

Though it cost me 7 pounds, I think it is worth it considering that it’s my mom’s favourite. A price for the attached sentiment that came with it (:

Okay. Enough with the story. Time to go down to my spiralling train of thinking…

I actually just booked my flight ticket yesterday midnight. Yup, very very last minute. It was unavoidable since I had to remain in Glasgow due to some conditions. But, once I booked my ticket, I felt a huge relief in my heart. Oh finally, I am REALLY going home. 

shedding-away-what -I-am-not

People are often shocked when they learn that it’s almost 3 years since I was home. I left home when I was 19, and now I am 22. I left as (still) a teenager, and come back as (hopefully) an adult? I am lying if I say I’m not nervous… I think this year has changed me in a lot of ways.

Well, rather than say ‘changing’, I want to say ‘shedding-away-what -I-am-not’. I discovered new sides of my that I never knew I have, I stepped out of my comfort zone and did some (amazing?) stuffs, I learnt how to appreciate myself more. And this is not only due to myself and me alone, but rather, I am crediting this to each of amazing people I met here. Even for those that I met briefly, on a random solo-trip to nowhere…

Temporary is not a bad thing

Another lesson I learnt is that, everything is temporary, because that’s how life is. 

În April and May, I was dreading to the fact that I am going to leave my friend. The genuine friendships, and my first ‘girlhoodness’ that I luckily experienced here. Though all this time I’ve been living with being okay for being alone. Surviving years of detaching away from people (in a not obvious way), I’ve guarded my heart hard and firm. But, this is the first time I felt genuine warmth and kindness that comes out from a group of friends. It is something new that I never felt before. And before I realised it, I’ve lowered down my guard and let these warmth to seep into my heart. How can I live without my girlies now? Those precious souls that are always supportive and encouraging, that always have my back when I am hitting the rock bottom (due to my own attack and insecurity). If the past me foresee this, she would’ve condemned me for letting this happened in the first place. But now, I realised that, probably it is a good thing. Of course it will be a wonderful thing to stay young forever and spend our youth with the best people for a long time. But, are you confident that you will still cherish them as it is? Sometimes, it is when we know that we have limited time, limited space, limited encounters- that we start to cherish something a lot more. Maybe that’s the lesson that Allah is telling me. Everything else is temporary, so do your best to be the best version of a friend, a daughter, a partner… because you never know when will it all pass.

“The notion of it being temporary is what makes it special”

—

Well my train will be arriving in Glasgow very soon, so I guess it times to end it here so I can admire the breath-taking view from the window of this train (:

Till we meet again, the ever-charming Edinburgh.

Love,

Heba

19:55, 21st June 2024
On the train back to Glasgow from Edinburgh with a conflicting-yet-fuzzy heart